Just when you think politics can’t get any dumber, Trump and his allies say:

“Hold my Diet Coke.”

Let’s recap:

🔴 Ukraine Betrayed? Who Could Have Seen It Coming?

Trump cut military aid and intelligence-sharing to Ukraine, and guess what? Russia immediately launched a massive offensive.

Now, Trump is shocked that Putin took advantage of the situation.

Next, he’ll be surprised to learn that fire burns and water is wet.

🟢 Canada: Trump’s Next Extortion Target

Raising tariffs on Canadian goods wasn’t enough— Trump actually tweeted that if Canada just became the 51st state, all those unfair tariffs would magically disappear.

Ah yes, force a nation into statehood to avoid the economic crisis you created. Classic imperialism, but with extra stupidity.

🔵 Tesla Bribes & Billionaire Bromance

After calling EVs a hoax, Trump just bought a Tesla—because Elon Musk is his new bestie.

Forget climate change, this is about keeping billionaires happy.

Next up: Trump buys MyPillow to secure the far-right bedroom vote.

🔴 Israel’s Ramadan Special: More Bombs, Less Humanity

To kick off Ramadan, Israel attacked Gaza once again. But wait, it gets worse— A government official was caught on video bragging that attacking during Ramadan is the best strategy because people are weaker while fasting.

Forget war crimes, we’re at cartoon villain levels now.

Next up: bombing bakeries because hungry people can’t run fast enough?

🔮 Predictions for the Next Month:

• Ukraine loses more ground. Trump blames Ukraine for “not being grateful enough.”
• Canada ignores Trump. He slaps a 100% tax on maple syrup in retaliation.
• Tesla stock mysteriously rises. Musk tweets “freedom” while banning anyone who criticizes Trump.
• Israel continues bombing Gaza. The US sends more weapons, calls it “defense,” and mainstream media just shrugs.

At this point, satire is impossible. This is just the news.