When you think you’ve seen every page in the war crimes manual, Israel adds a few bonus chapters:

• ✅ Full blockade on humanitarian aid — no food, no water, no medicine.
• ✅ Collective punishment through engineered famine.
• ✅ Ministers casually suggesting bombing food supplies — because a starving population isn’t dying fast enough.

Forget "precision airstrikes". The cutting-edge tactic of 2025? Targeting rice bags and flour sacks. Because, clearly, the biggest threat to Israeli security is a five-year-old clutching a pita bread.

And who’s cheering it on the loudest?

None other than America’s favorite orange-tinted real estate mogul turned professional defendant. Between golf rounds and campaign grifts, Donald Trump continues to call this “self-defense” — all while reminding us that if Hamas doesn’t release all the remaining hostages, “hell will rain down on Gaza.”

Because nothing says “proportional response” like starving two million people for the actions of a few hundred.

It’s almost impressive — the man who spent Zelenskyy’s entire Oval Office visit humiliating a war hero, demanding that Ukraine basically sign up to become the 51st US state in exchange for weapons and aid (lithium included, of course), has unconditional love and blank checks for a guy who’s currently bombing bread trucks and racking up more child casualties than any conflict this century.

A war where Ukraine defends itself against a dictator?

“Complicated, maybe they should negotiate.”

A war where Israel starves and bombs civilians in a besieged strip?

“Self-defense! They should thank us for not sending even bigger bombs.”

Turns out, whether you’re a hero fighting a genocidal dictator or a leader committing war crimes with US-made weapons, all depends on who invites Trump to their resorts.

Spoiler: Zelenskyy didn’t have a golf course.

Satire’s dead. This is just the news.