🚨 BREAKING: A new revelation has just dropped! Apparently, Ukraine—yes, the country that was minding its own business before being invaded by Russia—actually tricked the United States into spending billions on a war that never had to happen! 🤯

According to the world’s most stable genius 🧠, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, a former comedian, pulled off the biggest con in history: He somehow forced the U.S. into supporting a war he didn’t even start! That’s right, folks—Putin just accidentally sent tanks into Ukraine, bombed cities, and annexed territory—totally not his fault! Zelenskyy should have just negotiated with the guy who doesn’t respect borders, democracy, or international law. Rookie mistake! 😬

💡 But here’s the plot twist: Guess what suddenly changed this narrative? 🤔 That’s right—when Ukraine decided not to give up its natural resources to a certain deal-making billionaire, the messaging magically flipped. Suddenly, Zelenskyy became a corrupt dictator running a money-laundering scheme. Convenient, huh? 😂

Let’s not forget, Ukraine selfishly defends itself instead of just giving up and saving everyone a lot of money. How inconsiderate! 😤 Zelenskyy is apparently a “Dictator” now (because elections are tough to hold when you’re literally being bombed 💥), and half the aid is “missing” (which, funnily enough, no one can verify).

And now, the U.S. has apparently changed its national motto to: “Negotiate With All Terrorists.” ☕ Why fight back when you can just sit down and have a friendly chat with people invading sovereign nations? Next up:

• Peace talks with ISIS
• A formal dinner with the Taliban
• A group hug with North Korea. 🫂

But fear not! The one man who can single-handedly end all wars is on the case! He will personally negotiate peace with Putin, a man he’s never said a bad word about. Because, as history has shown, giving dictators whatever they want always leads to lasting peace. ✌️

So let this be a lesson to all countries under attack: Stop defending yourselves, roll out the red carpet for your invaders, and most importantly—don’t forget to flatter them on social media. That’s real leadership! 👏

Don’t worry, the world’s greatest dealmaker is on it! 🤡 What could possibly go wrong?